Okay, as I’m sitting in the hospital room this morning, waiting for them to discharge my wife, I thought of a new idea for a TV show.

It’s called “Eternity”, and it takes place during that 2 1/2 hour period between the time they say “Congratulations, you’re being discharged!” and the actual time they let you out.

My gosh, how can it possibly take that much time to discharge someone? It’s not the 1800’s…they actually use computers nowadays. Isn’t everything already in there? I mean, it only takes 3 minutes to check out of the Hilton!

You would think that a place that will end up charging $3000 a day would be a little more efficient!

Anyway, the first episode would start with the nurse saying “You’re being discharged.” Then, the next thirty minutes would cut from scene to scene of the main character packing, watching TV, re-packing, napping, playing with their iphone, eating the last rubbery scrap of jello from the previous nite’s dinner, napping some more…then finally, the nurse comes back in and says “We’re just waiting for the doctor to okay this before we finish the papers.” And it starts all over again.

I hate hospitals.

After 22 years of sales, I know that the words you use and how you use them are crucial to your career.

Finding a way to stay in front of current client, and getting new prospects to find out who you are is also crucial.

That is where I come in. I create and maintain blogs for a living, and can do it for you.

Can you create your own blog? Sure! But if you don’t constantly add fresh content to your site on a consistent basis, you will quickly lose your customer base. And, if you’re as busy at your job as most folks are, it is easy to start out strong, but slip on your entries as time goes by.

Blogging is all I do.

Please look at my services and pricing!

Lawn Mowing is the life or death of a lush green lawn. Simple decisions made when mowing can make a huge difference.

First of all, you must understand how to mow your lawn. Always use a higher setting when mowing, especially in the dog days of summer.

Mowing too low can cause scalping, which is the death of a uniform green lawn.

Also, many people make the mistake of taking off too much grass when cutting.

You should never mow more than 1/3 the length of the grass blades in a single mowing.

If your lawn is growing too fast and mowing just 1/3 does not seem to make a dent in it, wait a few days and mow again. Different times of the year may require mowing twice a week instead of just once.

Mowing once a week is usually sufficient, however, in the spring, when the grass is growing more rapidly than other times of the year, you may need to mow twice a week instead of just once. Remember, for a healthy lawn, it’s important that you never remove more than one-third of the grass blades in a single cutting.

Another imperative item in successful mowing is the sharpness of your mowing blades. Make sure you keep your blades sharp. Mowing your lawn with a dull blade tears the ends of the grass blades instead of cutting them. This leaves your grass with ragged ends, which eventually turn brown, giving your lawn a dried out look. This type of cutting also encourages the spread of fungus and lawn disease.

When mowing an existing lawn, mow in different directions. Mow one week diagonal, the next week horizontal and the third week in a vertical pattern. Changing the direction each time you mow will prevent the “leaning” of grass blades in your lawn.

Did you ever wonder how landscaping companies get that “checkerboard” look like on professional baseball fields? Well, they get it by placing a roller on the lawn mower, then mowing the lawn while the roller changes directions as programmed. If you would like this look in your lawn, these rollers may be purchased at many hardware stores, although you may pay a hefty price.

Another common mistake is sharp turns in the lawn. Always avoid turning your mower sharply. Use walkways, patios or driveways as a place to turn the mower, or make “header strips” and turn the mower at the end of each row when you reach the header. This will ensure a nice even cut, whereas fast turns create an uneven appearance to the lawn.

Never mow when the lawn is wet. If it has just rained, or the lawn is slightly damp, avoid mowing until completely dry. This means you must avoid early morning mowing when dew is still on the lawn. Mowing a wet lawn can lead to uneven cuts and can also invite fungus to enter your lawn.

Mowing a New Lawn

If your lawn is newly planted, you need to take a little more care than you would for an existing lawn. These lawns are much more delicate. The soil is soft and the young grass is usually not rooted deeply the first few times you mow. Luckily, mowing strengthens the grass and encourages it to spread, forming a thicker lawn.

When mowing a new lawn, wait until the blades have reached a height one-third taller than the recommended mowing height for that particular type of grass. In other words, if your grass has a recommended height of two inches minimum, then wait until the grass is three inches, and then mow to two inches. Don’t wait until the grass is over three inches, and then mow down. This will cause undue stress to the new grass plants.

While the plants are still young, and the soil is still soft, use a light mower. Also, make sure your blades are sharp. As explained earlier, dull blades can damage any grass, but with young grass, they can actually yank them out by the root.

Lawn Clippings

Many people are torn as to whether or not they should leave their lawn clippings, or remove them. Actually, both ways are correct and each has their own advantages and disadvantages.

If you’re leaving the clippings, it’s best to use a mulching mower. The blades on this mower will cut the grass, toss them in the air under the deck, then cut them again, mulching the grass for beneficial nutrients that return to your lawn. These clippings contain nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium. All nutrients that your lawn needs to thrive.

There are many times that removing your clippings just makes the most sense. Although mulching mowers are great, they are expensive and must be used more often than traditional mowers. If you cannot mow at the recommended heights as suggested by the mulching mower manufacturer, the mower will not mulch and will create piles of cut grass that must be removed in order to provide air to the underlying grass plants. Also, some short grasses, such as bermudagrass and fine bentgrass, do better when removed instead of mulched.

Whatever method you use, it’s important you either remove the grass, or mulch it. If you leave it lying in clumps in your yard, you will block beneficial light and air needed for a healthy lawn.

If you remove your lawn clippings, consider using them as compost. As long as there are no weeds imbedded in the clippings, you’ll find they are one of the most beneficial mulches you can use. If your clippings contain a broadleaf herbicide, don’t use these clippings as garden mulch because it can actually discourage growth of your garden. However, this type of mulch can be used around the base of trees or shrubs to help maintain proper moisture levels for the specimen plant.

To begin your own compost pile, create a loose pile of compost where air and water will easily reach the pile. Add to the compost pile as items become available.

Libertarian. Green. Independent. And many, many others….

Third parties have tried, and failed miserably, to make a major impact on today’s political scene. Sure, when a third party manages to wrangle 1% of the popular vote, the two majors may take notice at an issue or two on the minor’s platform, but that is about it.

The biggest difference one has made in my lifetime was Perot managging to wrangle enough votes from Bush 41 to allow Clinton to sleaze into the White House.  But that is it.

But now, I believe is the first time in modern history that the time is right for a third party to stampede onto the scene.

The Republican Party is a sham…a mere shell of it’s former self. The current McCain campaign proves it. Charging forward on issues of glogal warming and failed health care, our war hero is pandering to the left wing loons that have created a list of farces to hold mankind hostage. I wouldn’t be surprised to see a photo opp with him and Al Gore sharing a glass of lemonade, tears streaming down their faces as they watch a polar bear at the zoo.

If this hasn’t pissed off conservative, constitutional loving Republicans enough to break off and take over with a strong third party, then i don’t know what will. 

The time is now! A constitution-based party would attract not the fringe, but the majority of the Republicans, and the rest will follow. We need to be taken back to our roots…not reach across the table and legitimize the rantings of liberal fruitcakes.

Someone…anyone…please, bring us home!

From the “Have you ever noticed” file:

Have you ever noticed that when you do something foolish, like trip or spill a drink, and you look around to see if there was anyone looking, there is always one person who caught the embarrassing act?

No? Well…it’s true.

But this time, it wasn’t me!

I was in the Walmart parking lot, on a mission to purchase a video game for my Wii system (could they thought of a funnier name for a video game system?). On my way to the front entrance, I glanced over at a woman walking to her car.

Just then, she tripped over the speed bump. That’s right, the speed bump. The one thing meant to slow people down. And it worked…she must have been going one, maybe two miles per hour at the time. Now she was completely stopped.

She composed herself, looked around, and our eyes met. She must have noticed the stifled laughter building up inside me, because she said “Go ahead…laugh.”

And I did. like a little school girl. God help me, I laughed.

In hindsight, I feel like I should feel remorseful about laughing at someone elses’ misfortune.

However, the only thing I feel is relief that it wasn’t me.

Is that so bad?

It happened…I no longer can tell any of the three candidates apart.

McCain, Clinton and Obama are, for all intents and purposes, now the same person. My strong conservative nature had me hoodwinked into taking sides with McCain, but after seeing his new commercials on our “declining Health Care” and “Climate Crisis”, I believe he has gone to the dark side…the liberal side.

And Clinton and Obama are no different. They are both running on the exact same platform…the alleged “change” platform that is non-descript but just sounds good. The only difference between the two are the different levels of ineptness that their capmaign staffs have attained.

What’s a Conservative-Constitutionalist to do? Who do I turn to? The Libertarians have an attractive platform, but until they lose the pro-pot stance, no one will take them seriously.

Ralph Nader is always good for a laugh, but that’s it.

Then there’s some of the “Fringe Candidates.”

There’s always Dr. Mark Klein, a retired psychaitrist from California. As you can guess from his home state, his platform has Marxist overtones. But, he’s got a fun story.

There’s Jackson Kirk Grimes…I like him because he was an extra from a Star Trek episode…but, alas, he played Hitler in that role, and loved it so much that now he is a real Nazi.

How about Terry “Tee” Barkdull…retired military, a real go-getter. Although his statement on illegal immigration leads me to believe his finger wouldn’t be on the button, it would be taped to the button! “All Americans suffer because of the criminal. Then we suffer more with all the bleeding hearts that fell [sic] sorry for the criminal. Send them all to Mexico!!!”

I don’t know…Maybe I should run! “The Dork Platform!” All of my addresses to the nation would only be broadcast on the sci-fi channel. Bill Shatner would be my Secretary of Defense…

Ahhh…to dream.

If I could time travel, i would go back in time and kick the guy’s ass who invented Little Debbies.

Delicious treats, 10 or 12 to the box, for about a buck. What a jerk!

But I digress…

If I could really go back in time, I’d go back to the week before Weight Watchers was created, and start it myself. They must be making a billion dollars a year!

My wife and I go to WW, and it’s a good class. The instructor is caring, the class is supportive, and the program really, truly helps. But I also see a lot of people use it in a way that disturbs me.

I’m big on business concepts. One of the biggest pillars of business is Return On Investment, or ROI. It is simply this: What do you get back for the money you spend?

Now, WW costs about $40 per month to join. You don’t have to buy their food, which is good, but you usually buy a little something from their shop. Then, many of us join a gym as an additive to the program…that can be $30-$50 per month additionally.

When I spend that kind of cash a month (about $90) I want to see 4-5 lbs a week come off. I know, the health industry feels a 2 lb weight loss per week should be the max…but screw that! I weigh alot, and I want it gone!

I see way too many people treat WW, and it’s probably similiar in other weight loss programs, like a social club. They’re content with a .2 or .3 lb loss, or if they gain a half pound, they laugh it off. They laugh and have  a great time during the meeting, and hope that next week they may or may not lose weight.

I don’t get it!!! If I wanted to pay $90 bucks per month to socialize, I’d just go to a bar and order wings and a pitcher…

…which is what got me here in the first place.

It is, indeed, a brutal circle.

WARNING: ROUGH LANGUAGE

Man, do I love movies! I wish there was a job that would pay me to watch a movies, then write my opinion about it, then have it published so that the whole world could read it. Oh, well…if only to dream.

That being said…

I went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall yesterday. It was my time to escape for 2 hours and enjoy a little “me time.”

I bought my popcorn (layer the butter, please) and diet pepsi, and hunkered down in my favorite row (you know…the one with the rail in front so that I can put my feet up and relax).

The commercials finished (6 of them!), and the previews were wrapping up…and then, the feature.

SPOILER ALERT

Three minutes into it, there on 80 feet of screen, was the actor’s…well, the actor’s…hoo-hoo. Big as life. No, BIGGER than life. And not just once. Many, many times. Througout the film.

I’m used to seeing female parts in films. You know…the fun bags and who-ha-dillies. But never a guy’s hoo-hoo.

What is the film industry…and the world…coming to?!?

To quote a friend after telling him of this travesty, “If I wanted to see that, I’d stay at home!”

All I know is this…The female body is a beautiful thing, but the male stuff is, well…

‘Nuff said.

I’m not anti-corporate or big chain. Just the opposite, in fact. I love McDonalds, and all of the major fast food chains. They have been one of the small joys in my life.

What I hate are the morons that use the drive thru.

What is the disease (it must be a disease…there can be no other explanation) that makes a typically rational person go through the drive-thru to order $50 worth of food? Don’t they realize how long that order will take? Don’t they know that there is probably someone right behind them that only ordered an ice cream cone? What were they thinkin’? They weren’t, that’s what!

And those are the same people that act indignant when the cashier asks if they can pull forward while their food is being prepared.

I literally waited for 17 minutes for an ice cream cone last night while the car in front of me gathered in bag after bag after bag of their order. There was confusion, bags were returned and replaced, drinks were spilled and refilled…it was chaos!

And all I wanted was my ice cream cone.

Now, the cashier could have brought me my cone while I waited…that would have been great customer service. But what makes someone so lazy and rude that they would put me through that?

Now, my wife lovingly asked me: “Why didn’t you just go inside for your order?”

Man…she just doesn’t get it!

I’m not an NBA fan. I believe that once a player is out of the college ranks, he loses something. He loses an edge.  It’s just not fun for me anymore.

However, I’m watching Game 7 of the Celtics/Hawks series the other night, caught up in the excitement of a down-to-the-wire game.  Instead of being held in the grip of exciting play, I was treated to a total blowout.

And then I remembered…

Several years back, a friend of mine (a trusting native New Yorker…) mused this statement: “Have you ever noticed how so many f*****’ (New York expletive) NBA playoff and championship series come down to the final game?”

What my buddy was inferring is that The Corporate Machine (TV) was staging these incredible series in order to sell more advertising. Total B.S., I told him! Or is it?

This is my same bro that tried to convince me that every boxing match was rigged.

I was intrigued…so I did some research.

In 1963, both of the NBA division finals went the full seven games, and the championship went 6 games, with Boston winning the whole shebang. Around the same time, JFK was assasinated by Oswald. JFK was from Massachusetts, where Boston is located. Coincidence? I think not.

Then, later in that decade, inspired by a challenge from JFK, the moon landing occurred. Or did it?

NBA, JFK, Moon Landing…the connection is obvious.

Can’t you see it?