third party thoughts…

Libertarian. Green. Independent. And many, many others….

Third parties have tried, and failed miserably, to make a major impact on today’s political scene. Sure, when a third party manages to wrangle 1% of the popular vote, the two majors may take notice at an issue or two on the minor’s platform, but that is about it.

The biggest difference one has made in my lifetime was Perot managging to wrangle enough votes from Bush 41 to allow Clinton to sleaze into the White House.  But that is it.

But now, I believe is the first time in modern history that the time is right for a third party to stampede onto the scene.

The Republican Party is a sham…a mere shell of it’s former self. The current McCain campaign proves it. Charging forward on issues of glogal warming and failed health care, our war hero is pandering to the left wing loons that have created a list of farces to hold mankind hostage. I wouldn’t be surprised to see a photo opp with him and Al Gore sharing a glass of lemonade, tears streaming down their faces as they watch a polar bear at the zoo.

If this hasn’t pissed off conservative, constitutional loving Republicans enough to break off and take over with a strong third party, then i don’t know what will. 

The time is now! A constitution-based party would attract not the fringe, but the majority of the Republicans, and the rest will follow. We need to be taken back to our roots…not reach across the table and legitimize the rantings of liberal fruitcakes.

Someone…anyone…please, bring us home!

Walmart hilarity

From the “Have you ever noticed” file:

Have you ever noticed that when you do something foolish, like trip or spill a drink, and you look around to see if there was anyone looking, there is always one person who caught the embarrassing act?

No? Well…it’s true.

But this time, it wasn’t me!

I was in the Walmart parking lot, on a mission to purchase a video game for my Wii system (could they thought of a funnier name for a video game system?). On my way to the front entrance, I glanced over at a woman walking to her car.

Just then, she tripped over the speed bump. That’s right, the speed bump. The one thing meant to slow people down. And it worked…she must have been going one, maybe two miles per hour at the time. Now she was completely stopped.

She composed herself, looked around, and our eyes met. She must have noticed the stifled laughter building up inside me, because she said “Go ahead…laugh.”

And I did. like a little school girl. God help me, I laughed.

In hindsight, I feel like I should feel remorseful about laughing at someone elses’ misfortune.

However, the only thing I feel is relief that it wasn’t me.

Is that so bad?

McaiHillbama and the Fringe

It happened…I no longer can tell any of the three candidates apart.

McCain, Clinton and Obama are, for all intents and purposes, now the same person. My strong conservative nature had me hoodwinked into taking sides with McCain, but after seeing his new commercials on our “declining Health Care” and “Climate Crisis”, I believe he has gone to the dark side…the liberal side.

And Clinton and Obama are no different. They are both running on the exact same platform…the alleged “change” platform that is non-descript but just sounds good. The only difference between the two are the different levels of ineptness that their capmaign staffs have attained.

What’s a Conservative-Constitutionalist to do? Who do I turn to? The Libertarians have an attractive platform, but until they lose the pro-pot stance, no one will take them seriously.

Ralph Nader is always good for a laugh, but that’s it.

Then there’s some of the “Fringe Candidates.”

There’s always Dr. Mark Klein, a retired psychaitrist from California. As you can guess from his home state, his platform has Marxist overtones. But, he’s got a fun story.

There’s Jackson Kirk Grimes…I like him because he was an extra from a Star Trek episode…but, alas, he played Hitler in that role, and loved it so much that now he is a real Nazi.

How about Terry “Tee” Barkdull…retired military, a real go-getter. Although his statement on illegal immigration leads me to believe his finger wouldn’t be on the button, it would be taped to the button! “All Americans suffer because of the criminal. Then we suffer more with all the bleeding hearts that fell [sic] sorry for the criminal. Send them all to Mexico!!!”

I don’t know…Maybe I should run! “The Dork Platform!” All of my addresses to the nation would only be broadcast on the sci-fi channel. Bill Shatner would be my Secretary of Defense…

Ahhh…to dream.

 

 

Weight Watchers-Schmeight Watchers

If I could time travel, i would go back in time and kick the guy’s ass who invented Little Debbies.

Delicious treats, 10 or 12 to the box, for about a buck. What a jerk!

But I digress…

If I could really go back in time, I’d go back to the week before Weight Watchers was created, and start it myself. They must be making a billion dollars a year!

My wife and I go to WW, and it’s a good class. The instructor is caring, the class is supportive, and the program really, truly helps. But I also see a lot of people use it in a way that disturbs me.

I’m big on business concepts. One of the biggest pillars of business is Return On Investment, or ROI. It is simply this: What do you get back for the money you spend?

Now, WW costs about $40 per month to join. You don’t have to buy their food, which is good, but you usually buy a little something from their shop. Then, many of us join a gym as an additive to the program…that can be $30-$50 per month additionally.

When I spend that kind of cash a month (about $90) I want to see 4-5 lbs a week come off. I know, the health industry feels a 2 lb weight loss per week should be the max…but screw that! I weigh alot, and I want it gone!

I see way too many people treat WW, and it’s probably similiar in other weight loss programs, like a social club. They’re content with a .2 or .3 lb loss, or if they gain a half pound, they laugh it off. They laugh and have  a great time during the meeting, and hope that next week they may or may not lose weight.

I don’t get it!!! If I wanted to pay $90 bucks per month to socialize, I’d just go to a bar and order wings and a pitcher…

…which is what got me here in the first place.

It is, indeed, a brutal circle.

Hoo-hoos & who-ha-dillies while Forgetting Sarah Marshall

WARNING: ROUGH LANGUAGE

Man, do I love movies! I wish there was a job that would pay me to watch a movies, then write my opinion about it, then have it published so that the whole world could read it. Oh, well…if only to dream.

That being said…

I went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall yesterday. It was my time to escape for 2 hours and enjoy a little “me time.”

I bought my popcorn (layer the butter, please) and diet pepsi, and hunkered down in my favorite row (you know…the one with the rail in front so that I can put my feet up and relax).

The commercials finished (6 of them!), and the previews were wrapping up…and then, the feature.

SPOILER ALERT

Three minutes into it, there on 80 feet of screen, was the actor’s…well, the actor’s…hoo-hoo. Big as life. No, BIGGER than life. And not just once. Many, many times. Througout the film.

I’m used to seeing female parts in films. You know…the fun bags and who-ha-dillies. But never a guy’s hoo-hoo.

What is the film industry…and the world…coming to?!?

To quote a friend after telling him of this travesty, “If I wanted to see that, I’d stay at home!”

All I know is this…The female body is a beautiful thing, but the male stuff is, well…

‘Nuff said.

McDonald’s drive thru perils

I’m not anti-corporate or big chain. Just the opposite, in fact. I love McDonalds, and all of the major fast food chains. They have been one of the small joys in my life.

What I hate are the morons that use the drive thru.

What is the disease (it must be a disease…there can be no other explanation) that makes a typically rational person go through the drive-thru to order $50 worth of food? Don’t they realize how long that order will take? Don’t they know that there is probably someone right behind them that only ordered an ice cream cone? What were they thinkin’? They weren’t, that’s what!

And those are the same people that act indignant when the cashier asks if they can pull forward while their food is being prepared.

I literally waited for 17 minutes for an ice cream cone last night while the car in front of me gathered in bag after bag after bag of their order. There was confusion, bags were returned and replaced, drinks were spilled and refilled…it was chaos!

And all I wanted was my ice cream cone.

Now, the cashier could have brought me my cone while I waited…that would have been great customer service. But what makes someone so lazy and rude that they would put me through that?

Now, my wife lovingly asked me: “Why didn’t you just go inside for your order?”

Man…she just doesn’t get it!

NBA, JFK, moon landing, and other conspiracies

I’m not an NBA fan. I believe that once a player is out of the college ranks, he loses something. He loses an edge.  It’s just not fun for me anymore.

However, I’m watching Game 7 of the Celtics/Hawks series the other night, caught up in the excitement of a down-to-the-wire game.  Instead of being held in the grip of exciting play, I was treated to a total blowout.

And then I remembered…

Several years back, a friend of mine (a trusting native New Yorker…) mused this statement: “Have you ever noticed how so many f*****’ (New York expletive) NBA playoff and championship series come down to the final game?”

What my buddy was inferring is that The Corporate Machine (TV) was staging these incredible series in order to sell more advertising. Total B.S., I told him! Or is it?

This is my same bro that tried to convince me that every boxing match was rigged.

I was intrigued…so I did some research.

In 1963, both of the NBA division finals went the full seven games, and the championship went 6 games, with Boston winning the whole shebang. Around the same time, JFK was assasinated by Oswald. JFK was from Massachusetts, where Boston is located. Coincidence? I think not.

Then, later in that decade, inspired by a challenge from JFK, the moon landing occurred. Or did it?

NBA, JFK, Moon Landing…the connection is obvious.

Can’t you see it?

The politics of moronity

Is “moronity” a word? If not, it should be.

I, by nature, am a political beast. I love the intricacies of politics, the song and dance of issues, the drama of debate.

That being said, this political season is a hoot!

We’re all used to politicians slinging mud and acting outside the bounds of moral acceptance. However, I have never seen two candidates go at each other like a couple of 5 year olds without a nap!

On one side, you have the Obama people, who are fervently following the “rock star” Senator who uses the word “change” every third word. Then, on the other side, the Clintonites, who believe that 8 years as a president’s wife is all the experience needed to run a nation.

And in the middle…us! People, we need to not take this so seriously, and enjoy the ride! This is quite possibly the funniest thing on TV since the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld!

Both sides are goin’ at each other, McCain’s people are laughing on the side, and we get to witness this! It’s great!

So, please…after a long day of work at home, don’t kick the dog or yell at your spouse. Just flip on the news, and have a great laugh!

Oh yeah…and every time you use the word “moronity’, you owe me a nickel!

Applauding Iron Man

I saw Iron Man the first night it opened.

I never read the comic. I knew very little about the story line. But I love movies. And I really love action movies.

As far as comic book-based films go, I had always held Spiderman as the pinnacle…it was the movie that others had to live up to. And so far, nothing touched it (although Batman Begins came awful close).

But Iron Man…well, Iron Man surpassed all expectations that I had going into it. In fact, in my mind, it passed Spiderman as the best comic book-based film ever made. There was action, comedy and a little romance. It was campy. It was witty. And it kicked butt.

And when it was over, most of the audience did the one thing that I wished more audiences had the guts to do…they applauded.

That is what a movie is supposed to do. Invoke an emotion so great that you can’t hold it in.

So I say “amen!” to those folks that wish to applaud after a movie! tell the rest of the audience what you thought…let it out!

Just do me one favor…shut up during the movie!

 

A writer’s best friend

Whether your writing the next great American novel, or compiling a whitepaper that will put your business on the map, you need to get your facts straight.

Some writers have shelves of reference books that guide them on their word-filled journey, and others use the thousands of reference sites on the internet.  I actually prefer to combine the best of both worlds on one handy site.

Refdesk.com.

Refdesk has everything you’ll ever need in one place. There are almanacs, dictionaries and thesauruses. You’ll also find links to hundreds of sites that will aid your research, such as the CIA World Factbook, Nasa and over 100 newspapers. In fact, you could make Refdesk your homepage, and would never need to go anywhere else for your answers.

I also use the site to develope great ideas for stories.

And the best part: It’s 100% free!

Every author or aspiring writer needs to visit this site. You will not regret it.